The Christmas season is usually a time for joy, fun decorations, and entertaining characters. Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, you’ve probably seen Santa’s face plastered on a storefront and thought “yeah, he seems like a nice dude”. But have you ever gotten that slight, unshakeable feeling that something is horribly wrong? Have you ever considered that maybe all the bright lights and happy elves are hiding a much more sinister truth?

To start, let’s review the hard facts. Santa, against all laws of physics, allegedly makes a trip around the world in one night every year. In theory, it could be possible, if he traveled at an extreme speed, but what human would be physically capable of withstanding that speed? Additionally, he employs several elves who presumably have similar superhuman abilities. Santa and his elves are also world-renowned stalkers. According to the ancient texts, “he sees you when you’re sleeping and he knows when you’re awake”. This means that Santa is not only stronger than any normal human, but also has heightened senses that allow him to keep track of everyone in the world all the time. Sort of like how dogs have better hearing than us, but multiplied a thousandfold.

Then, there are the elves. Watching everyone all of the time is certainly exhausting, so Santa uses his elves to aid in the stalking. Their senses don’t appear to be as heightened as Santa’s because they have to stay in a person’s house to properly gather information. However, they are fast enough to report back to the North Pole every night, which implies that they might have superpowers that Santa does not. It’s possible that they are a different variation of the same species. 

And then, of course, there is the issue of appearances. The elves and Santa were specially designed to appear unassuming or even comforting. Their sparkly eyes and rosy cheeks give the impression that they are friendly, docile creatures, despite their tendency for stalking. However, if you stare at them for too long, you start to become unsettled. Something seems off about them. This feeling of dread is present among much of Christmas media as well. The horrifying claymation movies. The dead stares of the decorations. And, perhaps most importantly, the Polar Express.

The Polar Express movie is well known for its “Uncanny Valley” effect, which is when something appears mostly human but has something not right about it, as if it were only pretending to be human. This phenomenon is most obvious in the Polar Express, but, if you pay attention, it has a distinct presence across all of Christmas media.

To understand the implications of this effect on the holiday, you must first understand the reasoning behind why “Uncanny Valley” exists. The theory is that humans have been trained to sense the small differences in these humanoid creatures because we were hunted by a similar species in the past. It is, essentially, a survival mechanism honed from years of evolution. While there is no proof, it is reasonable to assume that there once existed a creature much stronger than us that could mimic our appearances, if somewhat imperfectly, and we developed the tools to identify them.

Now, put it all together: Santa and his elves have abilities superior to our own, which would be ideal for hunting humans. They have a tendency to silently watch us, similarly to how predators stalk their prey. And something about them and all the media depicting them just doesn’t feel quite right, as if, on some unconscious level, we can sense that they aren’t the same as us. It stands to reason that Santa and his elves are part of this ancient humanoid species that used to hunt our kind. But what do they plan to do with us? Are they still hostile to humans?

Maybe the yearly gifts are an attempt to lull us into a false sense of security or maybe they are just a kind gesture for Santa and the elves to show they no longer wish us harm. Maybe they are even a form of apology. Either way, we should trust our instincts. If evolution conditioned us to fear Santa Clause, then there must be a good reason why. And we should always keep that in the back of our minds as we enjoy all the holiday season has to offer.