I apologize to all who might be offended by this statement, but it must be said: Your holiday decorations are lame.

That’s right. Lame. Every year after Thanksgiving passes, I drive around in hopes of seeing some pretty lights and blow-up snowmen in people’s front yards, but with each year, I see less and less people putting actual effort into their decorations. Where’s the holiday spirit? But worry not, students of East High School! I might have a solution. One simple decoration can spruce up your yard not just for the winter holidays, but for celebrations year-round. Thanksgiving? You can use this decoration. Valentine’s Day? You bet. Columbus Day? Go for it. I think by now, some of you may have an idea of what I’m talking about. Only one decoration on the market possesses such astounding versatility: The twelve-foot-tall Home Depot skeleton.

Now, I’m sure you’ve all seen the skeleton memes, and might even think the joke has been overdone. However, I can list several benefits to having a towering pile of bones in your front yard year-round. If you ever need a quick human anatomy reference, you can simply look out your window. If the police find bones in your backyard, you can blame it on spare skeleton parts. If a stalker by the name of Santa Claus tries to break into your house on Christmas Eve, the skeleton will scare him off. The possibilities are endless!

The look of clean, polished bones won’t appeal to everyone, but there are several workarounds that would make your skeleton more aesthetically pleasing and full of holiday spirit. The skeletal shape provides the perfect armature to wrap colorful lights around. The only thing better than bones is bones that glow! Perhaps the sickly off-white color isn’t for you. If that’s the case, enhance your skeletons visuals with a layer of paint. Grab a brush and cover those bones with a layer of vermillion or maybe a dusting of gold spray paint. And if bones aren’t your style at all, you can clothe your skeleton. It might take some basic sewing skills to make the clothing fit, but you can easily dress your new friend in a green elf suit or a pair of antlers and a red nose. You could even put a red hat on its head and pose the skeleton so it's crawling out of your chimney to surprise younger siblings that still believe in Santa.

If we all leave behind the days of boring holiday decorations and start using the Home Depot skeleton, perhaps it will one day become part of our holiday songs. Imagine:

Rudolph the giant skeleton

Has very cold, dead eyes

And if you ever see them

You should prepare to di-

But I digress. The point is, the Home Depot skeleton is one of the most useful and visually pleasing holiday decorations you can buy. And since it can be altered to fit any occasion, you can avoid the worst part of holiday decorating: actually putting up the decorations. Just leave it out all year.

So don’t be lame! When you go out shopping for holiday decorations, consider picking up a Home Depot skeleton. No matter how you choose to dress yours up, it will ensure that your decorations are festive, and the rest of us will finally have something interesting to look at.